I’m Not Successful

The subject of writing came up this morning as a writer gave their opinion on something and I didn’t agree. The person I was with shrugged their shoulders and said, “Well, he’s a successful writer he does it for a living.” I know this wasn’t meant to be a negative dig at me but I couldn’t help but take it that way. I usually don’t let the opinions of others bother me or effect my vibe, but I just couldn’t help it. I have worked my ass off as a writer and, though I may not be Stephen King, I am happy with what I have done so far in the pursuit of my dreams. I walked away from the conversation second-guessing my talent and, because I’ve been dealing with a severe block, I wondered if I should even bother with it anymore.

I have been struggling to get started again, writing is a very deep part of me and I haven’t been the same since I had to walk away from it four years ago. Before that happened things were going exceptionally well; I was working for an underground magazine which published my writing in over 25 countries, I was meeting photographers and other artists from all over the world and I was travelling the east coast in the search of adventure and the next awesome thing to discover and write about. Life was awesome! So awesome that I reached a point where I stepped down from my writing postition at the magazine to write my first novel and for the next three years I worked my ass off to produce the story spinning around in my head.

I was so excited to finally be getting to end of my final rewrite before I was ready to publish it…..and that’s when life happened. First, my computer glitched and shut down sending my manuscript into a millionaire n hashtags that no professional could recover (I spent the next two years trying). I was devastated! And not just because I had lost all my work but because my husband had just announced he wanted a divorce and we were losing the house just one week before this. Once I lost my book I knew there would be no way I would ever have the opportunity to rewrite it now that I was facing life as a single mom with three kids.

That was four years ago next month and, though I returned to my writing several times over the past few years, I just haven’t been able to put the time needed into it. And now that I have remarried and I’m home again with the baby I have all the time in the world to he creative but it’s just not there. No matter what I try to get unblocked it just doesn’t work. Go for a walk, sleep, read, be creative in other ways, sit down and force myself to write….you name it I’ve tried it! So the comment this morning, not meant to be ignorant in any way, has put me in a weird mood. I’m a successful writer, right? I don’t have a book deal and I’m not making millions, but I can spin a pretty badass tale when I’m not blocked!

I refuse to let this comment shut me down, I want to use it as fuel to get back into writing but I need a little help. What do you do to get past a block? What do you do when people toss an inconsiderate comment your way? How do you get moving after everything you worked so hard for was lost and it’s been years of not writing?

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What’s Your Word For 2019?

I think assigning a word to the new year is a great idea because it will go with you every day, making you smile on the good days and remind you of where you’re going on the bad days. I’ve been contemplating which word best suits me and my life at this time and I’ve settled on: Let Go.

This is a monumental phrase for me because so much has happened to me, not just in the past year but probably the past 20, that I have held onto even when I thought I had let go in some cases. I find that everything that I’m holding on to isn’t healthy for me or productive for the life I want to live so it’s time to take the advice of these two little words. What is it that I need to let go of? There are a number of things and none of them are little. I just remarried after I said I would never do it again after last time. Last time I was married for 17 years but my husband was gone traveling for work the last eleven years so, as you can imagine, it wasn’t such a great marriage. I took a leap of faith choosing to remarry but it’s never going to be easy if I don’t let go of what happened to me.

Not only was I alone for eleven years (seriously he was only home 4 days a month!) but he left me to deal with his ex and her children. This woman hated me and got her kids involved in hating me too. We went through 13 yrs of court dates and fighting and defending ourselves. It was so bad that getting divorced was actually a relief! I left the ordeal with abandonment issues, mistrusting men to be and act like a true man and I re entered the dating world refusing to have anything to do with anyone who had kids. I never wanted anything to do kids again as I have six and all but two are grown and gone. Well, life had other plans!

I met a great guy and after a few years we chose to get married and bring a baby into the situation as well. I am extremely happy and in love or I would never have made these decisions, but I am making myself miserable because I won’t let go of what happened to me. Just because I was abandoned and left to deal with six children all alone doesn’t mean I’m going to have a repeat in this new marriage. As a matter of fact, it’s the farthest thing that can happen because my husband goes above and beyond what makes a great husband! He’s always looking out for me and encouraging me to pursue my art and setting me up with everything I need to do so. It’s time for me to let go of my past because living in wait for the other shoe to drop and life to errupt into chaos is not the way to live.

Nothing can heal or grow in an environment like that and that’s not where I want to be. I want to enjoy every second of the blessings that God brought into my life. There are amazing things waiting for me but I will remain cut off from them unless I make a conscious effort to fix myself. Life is cruel and experiences stay with us….if we let them! So this year I chose to let go of fear, mistrust, anger, feeling abandoned and all the walls I have built in order to protect myself. Not only do I deserve the best version of my life but my husband and family deserve the best version of me as well.

What’s your word for the year?

The Struggle Is Real!

As I put the baby down for a nap I began talking myself into skipping today’s writing session. It hasn’t been going well so who cares if I miss a day, right? No, it’s actually the farthest thing from the truth. Right now, while I’m struggling to get started again, is not the time to take breaks. Whether I come away with any words today or not, that’s not what matters. What matters is that we show up, especially on the days we feel like quitting!

So inspirational, right?! Well that’s where today’s writing session both began and ended. It’s been one of those afternoons where the phone is constantly ringing and they weren’t calls I could put off. I know, I’m supposed to ignore all calls while working but one was husband, the next one was my cousin who lives out of state who I’ve been trying to get in touch with since Christmas and the last was my daughter calling me all the way from Ohio to tell me that she’s getting engaged!!! My baby girl is getting married! I wish we lived close so I could help her plan the wedding, it breaks my heart to be so far away from her. Two hours on the phone with everyone left me only enough time to take a shower and then scribble something in my journal real quick before I have to get the baby up and changed so we can go get the other kids from school and go to the store.

Though I may not have gotten anything accomplished today, it’s not the end of the world…It’s just another day in the life of a writer, interrupted. Happy Monday everyone😊

A Rocky Start

We’re two weeks into the New Year and I have been up for the challenge of re-forming my writing schedule. Since it’s been almost four years since I had to put it on the back burner I knew it was going to be a challenge but I wasn’t expecting this much of a Rocky start. I hate everything I write so it either gets filed under my drafts or just completely deleted and the one journal entry I did manage to finish this week was lost to a computer glitch. Awesome, right?! Things couldn’t possibly get any worse! Just wait….it gets better!

I have a break from the kids this weekend and I had all these plans to retreat to my room with all my writing stuff and really spend some time with it like I haven’t been able to do in years. It was going to be perfect, except for the fact that I am probably in the running for the world’s biggest Klux so I’ve been laying in bed since Friday nursing a mild concussion. I’m beginning to feel better but I haven’t so much as looked out my windows all weekend. All I wanted to do was write but with the kids coming back soon there’s just no way, I need all the rest I can get before Mommy Duty starts again.

Even though my return to writing isn’t going so smoothly, I’m a cup half full kinda girl so I know it will all fall back into place if I just keep trying. And as an added bonus, these obstacles are just showing how important writing is to me. No matter what happens along the way as I reclaim my writing life, I know two things: First, nothing worth having ever comes easy and second….I honestly can’t remember. Stupid concussion! I’m going back to bed to rest up for what will, hopefully, be a good writing week. Happy Sunday😊

The Aftermath Of Christmas

The name of my blog is writer, Interrupted and it truly is an accurate description about my writing life. Each day I wake up with an optimist attitude that today will be the day I get to sit down and do some serious writing. Then reality sets in as the next episode of writer, Interrupted begins to unfold.

What’s on my agenda today? The kids just started back to school yesterday from their Christmas break so, needless to say, my house looks like a bomb went off. It will take a whole day of solid cleaning to get it back into shape. And that’s just picking up, reorganizing, catching up on laundry and grocery shopping. And that’s before I even pick up a broom or mop! That’s going to have to be another day because this one is already packed. Along with cleaning I will be chasing a baby so my chore list will take twice as long and include redoing anything he undoes as he “helps” me.

As if that’s not enough I will be baking six dozen cookies today! I know it’s not Christmas time anymore but I don’t just drag out my baking goods the last two months of the year. Being able to stay home with the baby is a wonderful blessing but it’s not all fun and games. With only one income we both work together as a team to keep costs low and I do my part by cooking from scratch to save us money. I may spend most of the day in the kitchen, but when I’m done my freezer is stocked and I’m free from baking for about three months (which honestly makes me a bit sad because I love baking). Less time in the kitchen means more time for writing!

Though I may not be able to sit down with a hot cup of coffee and tap into my imagination to spin some amazing tale, I am learning to take a break from all of my Mommy Duties to squeeze in some writing as often as I can and that’s a huge accomplishment for me right now because before this it’s been since October that I’ve written anything. I actually wanted to write longer today but I hear the baby moving around and since he came to sleep with us during the night he is not confined to the crib. Another day of writing, interrupted but I love it just the same.

Getting Back Into The Game

It’s Saturday morning and I’ve been up for a while now doing my normal morning routine. Wake up at 7:30 with the baby, get him changed and ready for the day and then make his oatmeal as the latest episode of Paw Patrol comes on TV. But today is different, I have the day off from the baby as he spends time with Daddy. What am I going to do with the time?! At first, this is an exciting thought but then I look around and that’s when I realize I have been in Mommy mode for way too long. What do I do with my time now? The house is still clean from bedtime cleanup last night and the teenagers won’t grace me with their presence until at least noon or one.

What’s this? No one around to make their demands or remind me of the Mile-long chore list that needs tended to? I actually have time to write?! That sounds fantastic…..except, I have no idea what to write about. Sure, I have about 10 projects that are waiting for me to return to them, all in different stages of completion but honestly, every time I sit down to work on them my mind just goes completely blank and I just sit here and stare at the screen. I thought maybe I was creatively blocked but I was able to write yesterday and my fingers are flying across the keyboard as you read this, so if it’s not a block what is it?

This question has made me really think and the answer that I come up with is Time and Mindset. I have not had either in many months and it has closed me off creatively. Sure, I can write all day about the things that are on my mind, it doesn’t take imagination, creativity, planning and plotting to do so. But to sit down and work on a novel like this is just out of the question. I always feel like there’s something more important I should be doing for my family so I have gotten into the habit of telling myself that writing is a waste of time. Well, that’s a lie that I fell for hook, line and sinker.

Writing, whether I come out of it with a publishing contract or not, is still very important to me. It’s who I am. Even when I’m not writing the stories continue to spin in my head. Over time I begin to feel weighed down and my thinking becomes foggy because I have multiple things going on inside my mind. Writing is an outlet for me, it’s not about fame and fortune, never has been. It helps me to work things out, which is why I made a choice to start writing again through journaling. Journaling has always helped get to the root of the problem and how to fix it.

So for today, I will spend my free time free writing, just getting things off my mind and clearing my thoughts of everything so I can get back to the stories that are playing out in my mind. If my two issues are Time and Mindset, then I need to create a habit of writing every day (thanks for listening to my ramblings as I form my writing habits again). Creating a routine of daily writing will create the mindset I need in order to be more creative. There may be no grand story unfolding on the screen right now, but there are words and that’s an awesome start!

They say it takes two weeks to form a habit and I’m on day #2 so I’m just going to keep moving forward and trust that the creativeness will come in due time.

How Many Starts Do I Have To Make?

Well here we are, starting the new year and everyone is so full of hope for the things they want to accomplish this year. I’m all kinds of hopeful when I think about writing and creating anything in my other areas of expression…..until about ten in the morning when reality hits.

I currently have three teenagers, a toddler, a husband, three dogs and a house to take care of. The job of a stay at home is both challenging and never ending, right now I have a load of laundry running, the kitchen is halfway cleaned, dinner isn’t yet planned, the dogs are running hastily from the baby and I’ve already cleaned the living room twice! No problem, I’m forever the optimist so I’ll just get in some writing when the baby goes down for a nap. Can someone please laugh with me before I break down in tears?!

Writing while the baby is sleeping is just not possible as this is the only time for me to get all my daily chores done. I have two hours to complete everything for the day and there is no leaving it to do while he is awake. Having him by my side while attempting to do just a single load of laundry adds 20 minutes to the chore because what I’m pulling out of the dryer to fold he’s throwing over the baby gate while I’m reloading the dryer. By this experience you can guess what trying to do the dishes or clean the bathrooms looks like.

So my next option is to write at night once the baby goes to bed. While that sounds perfect because everything  is done for the day and I have nothing to do but sit there, this just isn’t my reality. From the end of naptime until evening comes and the baby is nestled sweetly in his crib, my day involves continuously picking up so it doesn’t look like a bomb went off, cooking, teaching one teenager to drive and helping the other find a job, monitoring homework and spending much needed time with my husband. By the time the baby is in bed writing will not work for two reasons.

First, I’m exhausted from the day and honestly writing is the last thing I want to do because it takes thinking and after the day I’ve had I don’t want to think about a single thing. And second, because even when I try to sit and write I end up drifting off to sleep because my body is so excited and screams, “Look at this! She’s finally sitting and not moving! It’s time to shut down! Eyelids, you’re up! Time to get heavy and force her to go to sleep!” I’m asleep within 20 minutes of sitting still. Sleep is my most favorite thing after the long hours of nonstop Mommy Duty.

It’s not writer’s block I’m dealing with so much as I am just facing the challenge of finding a small block of time to write within. I am writing this post during the day while the baby is up, but since I began he threw all his hotwheels all over the living room, over the gate and down the stairs, he’s kicked the dogs, tossed his cup which has exploded all over the floor and he keeps touching everything he shouldn’t because he knows my focus is on something else. I have a mess waiting for me the second I hit ‘Publish’ but I have to say I love the feeling of writing, even if it is only venting.

Writing has always made me happy so I need to make my New Year’s resolution carving out some time to write each day. My life is extremely busy but certainly I should be able to find some time somewhere. Wish this frustrated Mommy good luck, I’m going to need as much as I can get.